Your posting begs for a sarcastic response, along the lines of "not the way you currently are", but I'll spare you. I do not know of a phone number you can use, but there are a few different links for chat. Which one you use depends on what you need to discuss.
Creative Cloud support (all Creative Cloud customer service issues)
http://helpx.adobe.com/x-productkb/global/service-ccm.html ( http://adobe.ly/19llvMN )
Serial number and activation chat support (non-CC)
http://helpx.adobe.com/x-productkb/global/service1.html ( http://adobe.ly/1aYjbSC )
Get help with orders, refunds, and exchanges (non-CC)
http://helpx.adobe.com/x-productkb/global/service-b.html ( http://adobe.ly/1d3k3a5 )
Adobe ID and registration support (non-CC)
http://helpx.adobe.com/x-productkb/global/service-c1.html ( http://adobe.ly/19r6ZDp )
As far as downloading goes, the following page should help. but if it doesn't please be more spoecific with your request.
Download and Installation Help -